Some divorces are simple and straightforward, while others are more complex. It has always been this way – but perhaps if people understood more about the options available today, there would be less conflict involved in the process of divorce. Here are five common mistakes that make divorce more difficult.
1. Not considering alternatives to court
Many couples who decide to get divorced are not aware of how much things have changed. It used to be where every divorce you heard about went to court. There were always lawyers fighting for each side until a settlement had been reached – or until a judge had enforced a ruling. Things almost always “got ugly.”
In this day and age, so many divorcing couples achieve a result that is both efficient and amicable. They don’t appear in court, they don’t hire lawyers to fight against one another. Instead, they use divorce mediation techniques to iron out the legal details of the divorce, find the best middle ground, and expedite the process in a way that allows a swift and fair result. Over the long time, the divorced couple will have a much better relationship – which is especially important if there are kids involved.
2. Not listening to each other
Only seeing your own desires and needs is a natural instinct, in some ways. But it’s not the most advantageous – either from your perspective or from that of your former partner. When each individual can make an effort to see things from the other’s perspective, it’s much easier to start a productive dialogue and find the best possible middle ground.
3. Not putting kids first
If divorcing parents are fighting for custody over children, things can obviously get very emotional and very ugly. Both parents may genuinely love their kids very much, but they’re also afraid of losing out. They’re afraid the other parent will have more custody rights or greater influence over the children’s lives, and emotions can be very intense. One of the most universally agreed-upon points of advice is to always keep the childrens’ emotional wellbeing in the foreground, never in the background.
4. Not seeing the bigger picture
Emotions can be intense during a divorce – after all, this is a person who has been a very big part of your life for a long time, and you’re making the very serious decision to dissolve your marriage. But that’s even more reason to be deliberate and calm in your thinking. By taking a big picture stance, you’ll almost certainly achieve a better long-term result.
Taking the first step toward a successful divorce
The idea of a successful divorce might sound strange – but it’s not strange at all when you think about how difficult some divorces go. Divorce itself may not be an ideal situation, but it can certainly be turned into a positive and constructive experience that allows both parties to move on amicably. This is especially important when children are involved, and the divorced parents will be co-parenting together. The more understanding and mutual respect you have, the better off everyone will be – and in many cases, seeking the help of a qualified divorce mediation professional can help people to achieve just that.